The Dark bible...

[Makai Goblin]

http://www.nobeliefs.com/DarkBible/DarkBibleContents.htm

I just rememberd this, and thought I'd share it here.

This is not a satanic bible, nor a book about demons, black magic, or Cthulhu.

It's from the real, christian bible, King James verson.

Basically, this is the stuff they never tell you about in sunday school (at least not without a LOT of spin-doctoring) and what few preachers will make a sermon out of.

As with everything in life, take it with a grain of salt.

[Whoami88]

"The Back Parts of God

"And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend..." (Exodus 33:11)

"And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live. And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: and it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a cleft of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: and I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts; but my face shall not be seen." (Exodus 33:20-23)
Comment

In verse 11 we read that God spoke to Moses, face-to-face. Yet in seeming contradiction, we have later God telling Moses that he cannot see His face. Instead, God decides to show Moses his back parts! "Back parts" of course serves as a euphemism for "ass". In other words, God here says to Moses "thou shalt see my ass."

I'll leave it to the readers to ponder the possible sexual orientation of God as he shows Moses his bare bottom."



LOl!11!! :D

[Modest Genius]

"Back parts" of course serves as a euphemism for "ass". In other words, God here says to Moses "thou shalt see my ass."an ass is a donkey. they mean arse.

the bible is not a historical document, few christians defend it as literal truth. finding contradictions within it is like finding straw in a haystack.

[Dave]

the bible is not a historical document, few christians defend it as literal truth. finding contradictions within it is like finding straw in a haystack.

Either you've never heard the news from North America or you are trying to 'rub it in'. Can you guess which one I'm thinking? Anyways, quit being an arsehole.

[Modest Genius]

Either you've never heard the news from North America or you are trying to 'rub it in'. Can you guess which one I'm thinking? Anyways, quit being an arsehole./me browses http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/default.stm

nope, dont see any news relevant to this discussion. what did you mean?

[Milkman Dan]

That's some weird stuff, but this seems more like an OTF topic than Firebox-worthy.

[Dave]

/me browses http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/default.stm

nope, dont see any news relevant to this discussion. what did you mean?

It's pretty much common knowledge that our wingnuts like to treat the bible as literal.

[kreket]

Maybe it means

"...but you shall see the trail I leave behind."

God not being a force that manifests itself physically in front of people, still leaves a trail of evidence for Moses.

7 spirits that God sent to the earth, the lamb appearing with 7 horns and eyes? This wouldn't be a reference to the seven seals and the twin edged sword, now would it? You do not have to be a christian to be convinced that new technology can lead both to the bad and the good.

[kreket]

Yeah. Pretty common knowledge that, but it hasn't been in the news lately. Is it really only one abortion clinic still operating in the south of the USA? I'd rather not trust too much the word of a character who's name lures the flaming to the forums.

I like the way they want mandatory prayers in public schools while Jesus gave a line against public praying. Saw the comparison in something similar that used this.

So what that sums up to means that all the atheists refusing to pray in school are going to heaven, while the biblethumpers are going to be shown the error of their ways. Always thought the societies for moral atheism was a couple of notches closer to heaven than the "REEEEEEEPEEEENT SINNAAAR!" groups.

[mg23]

Hahahaha, that's the biggest load I've seen in a while.


PS: I just realized, some of you think that's what the Bible really says. With that in mind, those of you who take that site seriously: have you read the Bible?

[marty]

Hahahaha, that's the biggest load I've seen in a while.


PS: I just realized, some of you think that's what the Bible really says. With that in mind, those of you who take that site seriously: have you read the Bible?
I have

[puke o'hara]

PS: I just realized, some of you think that's what the Bible really says.Doesn't your bible have the funny parts? Or even the bloody ones? Tragic :/ The site's interpretations of some parts of the bible are rather ... questionable though, if not in other ways then dogmatically.

Modest: I'm under the impression historical documents don't necessarily contain the literal truth.

[mg23]

Doesn't your bible have the funny parts? Or even the bloody ones? Tragic :/ The site's interpretations of some parts of the bible are rather ... questionable though, if not in other ways then dogmatically.

Modest: I'm under the impression historical documents don't necessarily contain the literal truth.
Leviticus has some entertaining material, as do some others, but nothing to that extent, hence I seriously question whether the site is a joke or not.

[Makai Goblin]

Leviticus has some entertaining material, as do some others, but nothing to that extent, hence I seriously question whether the site is a joke or not.

It's not meant to be.

Just showing the "Other side" of extreme beliefs.

[Modest Genius]

It's pretty much common knowledge that our wingnuts like to treat the bible as literal.meh, ive met plenty of christians (used to be a practising one myself), and none of them have ever maintained that genesis was true, or that the bible was literal in any sense

guys, there are bibles online, go look it up if you doubt the quotations

[GoatChomper]

an ass is a donkey. they mean arse.
You're both wrong on this one, and a ten-point deduction for forgetting that the originals were in a language other than contemporary British English.

There's no question that the translators and editors of the King James Version made liberal use of euphamisms on top of the ones the source text used. The one in question here involves how oaths among the Habiru and other Semites of the period were sworn.....other contemporary texts reveal that they were given while grasping the other party's genitals.

Consider Abram's oath when he went to find a daughter for his son in Aram-Naharayim: "Put your hand under my thigh....."
Is it really only one abortion clinic still operating in the south of the USA?
No.

[GrosPoisson]

Another example of a euphemism that loses its meaning in translation would be the bits that describe the seraphim as having six wings. IIRC, it's something like two to fly, two to shield their eyes from God, and two to cover their feet. "Their feet" in this case refers to their crotch.

[GoatChomper]

Excellent point, that about "covering feet".....it's a euphemism found widely throught the Old Testament for the act of defecation.

[Dave]

meh, ive met plenty of christians (used to be a practising one myself), and none of them have ever maintained that genesis was true, or that the bible was literal in any sense



You've never heard of the creation 'museum' in Kansas, have you? Well, it's my belief that there is a sizeable portion of believers here (North America) that believe in the literal translation.

The bible is a pretty good book for the most part though i haven't read it cover to cover. We just need less asshats twisting shit around.

[Modest Genius]

You're both wrong on this one, and a ten-point deduction for forgetting that the originals were in a language other than contemporary British English.http://askoxford.com/concise_oed/ass_1
http://askoxford.com/concise_oed/ass_2

anyway, the King James translation was into British English of the time, irrespective of its original Hebrew meaning

[Enders]

I'm Christian, my entire family is christian, and no one, not my mother, father, grandmother even believe that the entire bible is true. And that it's more stories to be interpruted and used as guidelines.
Maybe it's because we're Canadians

[GrosPoisson]

Since we're playing the "anecdotes as facts" in here, I'd like to say that I know plenty of very devout Christians (Catholics and Presbyterians mainly) who think it's absolutely ridiculous to take the Bible word for word. They're all Americans.

Oh look, my fallacy is counter to the other fallacies in here. What happens now?

[Makai Goblin]

The odd thing is, most people I knew as a kid in church DID belive the bible as truth, and that most of it was fact. In fact, I even remember hearing a preacher doing the "Hellfire and brimstone" thing, and he even took the book or revelations literally (Scary shit to have handed to you, when you're like 6 and someone you've been told to trust/respect is talking about how the world will end, and ten-headed dragons and beasts with "666" on it's forehead or whatever)

Of course I know now that the "literal" interpretation is rarer than the "symbolic" interpretation.

[mg23]

I take all of the Bible literally, even Genesis. I strongly urge all of you to read The Case for a Creater by Lee Strobel or Bones of Contention by Martin Lubenow. Both are excellent reads if you'd like a scientific point of view on creation.
I personally enjoy reading Revelation, it gives me hope for the future.

[SWATJester_os]

What a fucking stupid site.


PS:

"And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight. And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, whither I will drive them." (Ezekiel 4:12-13)
Comment

How many good Christians today realize that their God has coprophilic tendencies?

One wonders what value, nutritional or moral, it would serve the people to eat human feces with their bread, as God ordered. Note, God here has also ordered, the voyeuristic-like observation of the feces coming out man. How many Christians and Jews realize that they worship a Scat God?
-----------------------

Good job reading comprehension. They're referring to using the dung as fuel, the same way native americans used buffalo chips for fuel.




I'm very strongly considering outright closing this thread.

[puke o'hara]

I take all of the Bible literally, even Genesis. I strongly urge all of you to read The Case for a Creater by Lee Strobel or Bones of Contention by Martin Lubenow. Both are excellent reads if you'd like a scientific point of view on creation.Googling the names produced rather unpromising results so far at least ... but I suppose it's a matter of perspective.