Oh, faux pas.

[Milkman Dan]

So, uh, my girlfriend's mom found out we had sex. She's 16 (AoS is 17), and I'm 20. She turns 17 on the 13th. I'm really only 3 years older than her, but I know that still qualifies me for some misdemeanor shit. She told her to stop talking to me or else she'll call the cops on me.

Now, the thing is we don't even have sex that much. Aside from that one escapade, we've really only had sex (if we count days that it happened on, not actually instances :x) about twice. We found out it wasn't really that big a part of our relationship, since we're mostly on the emotional level. Her mom claims "I'm just a boy" and all that is insinuated with that, and that I'm going to leave her and somesuch shit like that.

The thing is, her parents like me. Her dad doesn't know, but her mom does. Her mom accepted me as her boyfriend, thought I was good-looking, and shit. I moved back from Edwardsville to Springfield to be closer to her, and I even quit my super stable job. I've basically been the best thing that has happened to her, and she's the best thing to happen to me. She doesn't want it to end this way, and neither do I. So, I basically told her I'll figure something out. I said for her to talk to her mom once she calmed down about it, and that, hopefully, we can have a sit down talk to make her realize I'm not chasing her daughter for ass.

I'm still really fucking confused about how to approach this situation. :(

[Steadman]

She's just pissed. Unless she's one of these crazy nutbars they pass off as mother's these days, you're fine.

Just don't pour salt in the wound. I dunno...talk to the parents. Invite the family over for dinner

[Teedy]

You can't do anything about it at the moment, but it is resolvable. You need to find a time to approach mom yourself, without daughter and speak to her also. Tell her whatever feels right, nothing more, nothing less. She will have to accept at some date in time that her daughter IS going to have sex, she just doesn't want to. Don't throw that arguement at her however, and answer in full honesty any questions she might ask you. Having the courage to speak to her about it directly shows several things. Firstly, that you're approaching this maturely, not as 'a boy'. It also shows obviously that she is more to you than just a piece of ass, and this is the point that needs to be made most directly. It also shows that you understand the mother's concern, and that her family is important to you also, something anyone would view as a good thing because it means again that you care about them on more than just a sexual level.


I hope it works out just fine for you. :)

[Shloom]

16 and 20 is a little bit creepy

[Milkman Dan]

16 and 20 is a little bit creepy
She came after me. I didn't pursue her. Besides, I treat her like a person, not a piece of meat.

[Captain Colon]

It's just a mom thing I think. It was especially likely to happen if she's (not the mom :o) had bad experiences with guys before...just give it a little time to blow over then do what Teedy said.



P.S. stfu shloom

[Noirceur]

16 and 20 is a little bit creepy
It's all a matter of context really. It sounds like he really loves this person and isn't just looking for illegal pussy.

[Chunkywheats]

Dude! I'm in galesburg. If you want to take the girl out, call me up, I'll take the mom out for a nice seafood dinner.


I'm an awesome wingman! :D

[DasHuhn]

Dude! I'm in galesburg. If you want to take the girl out, call me up, I'll take the mom out for a nice seafood dinner.


I'm an awesome wingman! :D

Heh, I'm ~ 5 minutes from Moline.

[Col. Psycho]

16 and 20 is a bit creepy. :o


(not to echo shlooms thoughts...)


nah im kidding. i was interested in an ultra mature 14 year old before i knew she was 14, and she was hawt. not to mention, i couldnt believe it when my mate told me she was 14. :O

[Garryowen]

Right.... You got caught banging a minor. This is not “misdemeanor shit" it is in fact Statutory Rape and if her parents choose to prosecute, you WILL be a sex offender and be required to register yourself as such every time you move. This is no bullshit and will haunt you the rest of your life.... WALK AWAY

The whole sex crime thing aside, your relationship WILL NOT LAST. She is WAY TOO YOUNG and you're not much better. One (or both) of you will in fact get tired of the other and move on. If this is really meant to be, she will still be there when she is "legal"....

[maggie]

The romantic in me agrees with Teedy, but the realist in me agrees with GO.

Either way, you need to handle this with maturity and tact, or you could easily regret it for the rest of your life.

[Teedy]

The good part about my plan, is if when talking to the mother, you realize she WILL NOT back down, you can then and there walk away, hopefully on decent terms with her so that she doesn't shit all over you.

[Milkman Dan]

This month has just been really, really, really bad. Everything that could go wrong is going wrong.

I moved down here thinking I had a secure job at a place, which I pretty much did, but then they fucking hired new kids over someone with experience. I've applied just about everywhere, but no one seems to be hiring around here. My dad is being a douchebag, and not helping me out with even getting my driver's license. Basically ignoring everything I say to him. My money supply is just about out. My credit card is maxed out. I have $400 due on the 1st for a lease I can't get out of. My paycheck from my last job STILL hasn't been sent to me (Called and called about it). My phone's almost out of minutes, and I've got like $0 for that. So I won't be able to get ahold of anywhere or anything. And then this mother bullshit had to happen right before her birthday.

Ugh.

Although, AfroJoe was nice enough to PayPal me some money. :)

[Lord Kelvin]

While I won't be as directly blunt as Garry, he does have a point. If you can sort things out with her mom then hopefully she won't do any of that crap. But beware of not breaking up with her too soon after resolving this thing, else she might get pissed all over again. Hopefully she's more cool than that though.

[mg23]

I thought you were talking about having sex with your girlfriend's mom. Or your girlfriend was the mom.

I'm glad we got that straightened out.

[SWATJester_os]

I know the feeling man. In a couple months, I'm turning 24, she turns 19. It's tough, but doable. And when it pays off, goddamn is it worth it.

[Noirceur]

I know the feeling man. In a couple months, I'm turning 24, she turns 19. It's tough, but doable. And when it pays off, goddamn is it worth it.
Thankfully you don't have to deal with the legal issues.

[BlindSite]

My advice is to talk to her mother and tell her everything, completely while your girlfriend isn't there.

[SWATJester_os]

Thankfully you don't have to deal with the legal issues.

No, unfortunately, I have to deal with her parent's "OMG YOU'RE DATING A 24 YEAR OLD? HE'S USING YOU, PLAYING YOUR EMOTIONS, U GON GET RAEPD!" issues.

Let alone that I'm an intelligent, fairly wealthy, jewish college student (graduating in 3 months), accepted into several high level law schools, parents that are respected lawyers, I have good grades in school, I'm a freaking war hero, and I treat her right..........her parents don't trust me that I'm almost 6 years older than her.

[Garryowen]

No, unfortunately, I have to deal with her parent's "OMG YOU'RE DATING A 24 YEAR OLD? HE'S USING YOU, PLAYING YOUR EMOTIONS, U GON GET RAEPD!" issues.

Let alone that I'm an intelligent, fairly wealthy, jewish college student (graduating in 3 months), accepted into several high level law schools, parents that are respected lawyers, I have good grades in school, I'm a freaking war hero, and I treat her right..........her parents don't trust me that I'm almost 6 years older than her.

That's all great, but she's too young for you, she's gonna break your heart....:(

[killerfluffy]

I agree whole heartedly with everything GO said n this thread.

[Captain Colon]

I never would've figured GO for being afraid of THE LAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH :o

[rovens]

Swat i see exactly what you are saying but i have one question. Why does being jewish make a difference there?

[SWATJester_os]

Swat i see exactly what you are saying but i have one question. Why does being jewish make a difference there?

Well two things: one, how many jewish rapists do you see?

two, she's catholic.

[Noirceur]

No, unfortunately, I have to deal with her parent's "OMG YOU'RE DATING A 24 YEAR OLD? HE'S USING YOU, PLAYING YOUR EMOTIONS, U GON GET RAEPD!" issues.

Let alone that I'm an intelligent, fairly wealthy, jewish college student (graduating in 3 months), accepted into several high level law schools, parents that are respected lawyers, I have good grades in school, I'm a freaking war hero, and I treat her right..........her parents don't trust me that I'm almost 6 years older than her.
Parents will always find something to rant about, trust me. It's usually magnified 10x by catholicism.

[marty]

Well two things: one, how many jewish rapists do you see?There was that rabbi in To Catch a Predator d:D

[SWATJester_os]

Technically he never got there...plus I view all full-time religious people, rabbis, priests, etc, as rapists.

[Walnut]

Is there a closeness-of-age exception? For example, in Pennsylvania, the age of consent is 16, but up to a 4 year difference is allowable for ages 13-15.

[Milkman Dan]

Things are going roughly. She convinced her mom to not press charges, but she's really hurting from the fact that her dad found out and didn't give a fuck. In her words, "He never cares." She's just profoundly unemotional these past couple of days. This weather isn't helping as she's been stuck in her house the past two days. Whereas the weather has proper fucked me another two days out of finding a goddamned job. Woo, I am so incredibly short on money it's not even funny.

[Shloom]

20 year old grown man


16 year old girl






You can't tell me its not a little bit creepy, ask her 10th grade class and see what they think.

[Milkman Dan]

She's actually 17 now. Her friends all like me. So, eh, whatever helps you sleep at night.

[PsychoMantis]

My ex broke up with me at 17 for a 21 year old. What a whore. I never did anything to mistreat her and the guy she went for apparently had gotten a girl pregnant. Fun stuff.

But anyways, it seems like you have a good heart in this matter, so I'm not questioning you at all. But, I never thought I'd say it, I have to agree with Garry Owen. Still... stay strong and just hope its a bad patch. Things will straighten out at some point, they always do.

[Psyche]

Well two things: one, how many jewish rapists do you see?

two, she's catholic.

i've seen enough jewish rapists. this reminds me of the time someone at work told me jewish guys don't molest people.

anyways

i agree with garry. she's a kid. emotionally and otherwise.


as for the job/money situation, this is why it's a bad reason to move somewhere to be closer to someone. have that as a secondary reason to move. tertiary maybe, but never as the main reason. it always goes downhill from there.

[Teedy]

How can you possible claim that someone you don't at all know is emotionally a child? What an ignorant and stupid claim to make.

[rovens]

i agree with garry. she's a kid. emotionally and otherwise.


Legally being the most important here.

[Captain Colon]

How can you possible claim that someone you don't at all know is emotionally a child? What an ignorant and stupid claim to make.
Sit down kid, the grown-ups are talking :lincoln:

:cat:

[Maddog]

How can you possible claim that someone you don't at all know is emotionally a child? What an ignorant and stupid claim to make.

I dunno dude, 17 year olds.....

[Teedy]

We're all of two years older than she is. There's no way to judge that, there are 30 yr olds that are 12 yrs old inside.

[DunNa]

Some people call me a sinner / Some people say I should be ashamed
I ask you why they don’t give us no rest / It’s enough- enough to drive me to despair

You looked like a fairy/ Smelt like a flower
Sweetest temptation I ever saw
The shine in your eyes and your laughing made my heart sing
I fell in love / Suddenly I forgot the law

This love was so strong / Seemed so hopeful
Damned sweet memories torment my brain
Now I’m here / And the rain falls on a grave
But I’m sure it can’t rinse my pain away

Chorus:
Wish you could be by my side / My dreams promise only lies
Illusions - I can’t hold them tight
And I cry

Should I reproach myself with weakness / Is it crime to succumb to sin
To a sin, when it looks like an angelic girl
I couldn’t defend myself against your sweet fifteen

Chorus

Wish you could be by my side / Implore the lord but in vain
I’ll never can stop my cry

Now they had a reason for their gossip / For scorn and the hate from their stonecold hearts
You was too young to resist all these hurts / You was fifteen so the death was your last resort

So I’m here and deplore the disaster / Painful I feel nothing makes sense
No sorrow, no tears and no rage will make undo your death
And I see to life without you I have to learn

Choruses


Last Resort by Sub Dub Micromachine

Summary of lyrics for those to lazy to read it or that just don't care. Its a song about a man who falls in love with a teen and they were happy. Society scorns there relationship so he calls it off. The girl falls into a depression and ends up killing himself.

I honestly really like the song and hes vocal emotions for this song are really great even if they are "his style" they still carry the emotion well.

Most of you know my feelings about this sort of relationship and thats go for it. Some people say smoking weed is ok, others allow there kids to drink underage. Personnally I think things like these come down to a case by case basis, and if you really feel for the chick stick with it.

If you don't want to risk it (gary pretty much laid out the risks nicely) then don't, and you really shouldn't listen to me for advice on things such as this. I just have strong feels about these sorts of relationships and that they are completely ok more often than not.

[Psyche]

How can you possible claim that someone you don't at all know is emotionally a child? What an ignorant and stupid claim to make.

because i've been a 16 year old girl who was in a relationship with someone much older then me (he was 31 i was 17) and no teenage girl is ready for the full responsibility of an adult relationship?

[Teedy]

Don't make generalizations, they're wrong. Don't tell anyone something of theirs won't succeed just because YOURS DIDN'T. You do NOT know this girl and cannot judge her. You cannot say that NO teenage girl is ready for the responsibility as that is also untrue.

Stop being a god damned pessimist, what didn't work for you can work for others. He could have found one of the few girls that age who is ready, better yet, what's to say that he's ready for an adult relationship?! None of us knows the two of them well enough to make this call for them.

[Psyche]

Don't make generalizations, they're wrong. Don't tell anyone something of theirs won't succeed just because YOURS DIDN'T. You do NOT know this girl and cannot judge her. You cannot say that NO teenage girl is ready for the responsibility as that is also untrue.

Stop being a god damned pessimist, what didn't work for you can work for others. He could have found one of the few girls that age who is ready, better yet, what's to say that he's ready for an adult relationship?! None of us knows the two of them well enough to make this call for them.

he asked for our opinion/advice and i gave mine. my opinions/advice come from my experiences. don't chastise me and tell me my opinion is wrong just because you don't agree with it. there's a reason why what he is doing is against the law.

and seriously dude, i'm far from being a pessimist. i just deal in reality. the average teenager today doesn't know jack squat about responsibility. yes there are exceptions. there always are. but the average is an average for a reason

[Teedy]

I didn't say your opinion was wrong, I said your generalizations and advice were wrong, and they are. Laws are subjective, what applies in his state doesn't in my province, and that creates differing view points, and I disagree fundamentally with his states laws, for reasons we can discuss in another thread if you wish.

I doubt he in any way considers her to be an average girl either. You'd be hard pressed to find any guy say that about any woman he loves.

[Psyche]

I didn't say your opinion was wrong, I said your generalizations and advice were wrong, and they are. Laws are subjective, what applies in his state doesn't in my province, and that creates differing view points, and I disagree fundamentally with his states laws, for reasons we can discuss in another thread if you wish.

I doubt he in any way considers her to be an average girl either. You'd be hard pressed to find any guy say that about any woman he loves.

and yet you singled me out of the other people who were giving the same advice as me. advice, whether it be right or wrong, is up to the receiver to take.

laws exist for a reason. i've seen the bad side of something like this (hey, working in a home for abused and neglected girls will do that) and i can say from experience someone getting into an adult relationship (whether it be male or female) before they're emotionally ready for it can be damaging.

and i should hope he doesn't consider her average, if he did wtf would he be in a relationship with her for? but just b/c he doesn't consider her average doesn't mean she isn't. it doesn't mean she is either.

[Teedy]

I singled you because I considered your comments more poignant. We don't know what his plans are, but seeing as he's a regular here and asking for our help, we should presume for the sake of the topic they're honourable in my opinion. Again with the adult relationship that you aren't even certain exists. Drop that one already, you lost it.

[Psyche]

I singled you because I considered your comments more poignant. We don't know what his plans are, but seeing as he's a regular here and asking for our help, we should presume for the sake of the topic they're honourable in my opinion. Again with the adult relationship that you aren't even certain exists. Drop that one already, you lost it.

there was nothing to win or lose. you're the one that made an argument about it. i stated my opinion/advice. he doesn't have to take it or listen to it.

[kreket]

Teedy. Older people look down at teenagers for a reason. We've been there.


Milkmandan. Be real carefull about what the pair of you do together, because you may be in more trouble than you or Garry Owen realise.

[Teedy]

I know that they have kreket, but there are some old couples who had this exact experience and turned out fine that's the point I'm trying to make.

[Captain Colon]

Teedy. Older people look down at teenagers for a reason. We've been there.


Milkmandan. Be real carefull about what the pair of you do together, because you may be in more trouble than you or Garry Owen realise.
Now that she's 17 they can pretty much just say that they never did it before she hit age of consent and that the mom is crazy and just wants to break them up because she hates him, so I think that legal issue is moot now.

Of course, it would depend on the jury :cool:

[kreket]

Oh, I'm not talking about the law, the jury or prison. Be concerned about those, but I'm talking about the girl. She could turn out to be bad news.

[Medlar]

Oh, I'm not talking about the law, the jury or prison. Be concerned about those, but I'm talking about the girl. She could turn out to be bad news.

A-fucking-men.

Girls in their teens suffer from EH RETARDATION.

[Milkman Dan]

Well, after 4 months of dating, it seems like we're permanently over. I'm in shambles, to be honest. I really do love that girl, and she tells me she still loves me, but just a bunch of bullshit is surrounding everything. I lack a car, so I'm guessing that's a giant thing. In a fit of anger she said, "I feel and am told I can do better than you." It was the most awful thing I've ever heard. I will never quite find a girl who matched me so perfect. I hope we do get back together, and she realizes what I meant to her, despite all this drama. I just got stuck with a crazy-ass girl who constantly flipped between wanting a long-term relationship and wanting to "be free."

God, I feel so fucking awful. I don't want to even think about moving on. To see her with another guy would just kill me. :/ *cutcutcut*

[SWATJester_os]

Honestly though, if she ever said that to you, that should be it. If she thinks she can do "better than you" it means she's not happy with what she has.

[marty]

Means she's a goddamn idiot and you should now happily look forward to hot non-underage sex.

[Captain Colon]

hot non-underage
oxymoron

[Milkman Dan]

Honestly though, if she ever said that to you, that should be it. If she thinks she can do "better than you" it means she's not happy with what she has.
Yeah, part of me says to fucking forget her for saying that. When we're good, we're good. When we're bad, we're bad. Usually, we never had many bads. All of this seems really convoluted coming from her. She's young, and impressionable. Sounds like her friends are getting to her, combined with the fact she doesn't really know what she wants. She's 17, and I'm guessing another big part is the fact she's worried that if she commits to me that she'll regret not having messed around when she was older. With youth comes restlessness. The last day I saw her, she acted completely normal. Kisses, hugs, and love. Then two days later I get this shit. Immaturity is definitely a big factor in this, and I was hoping we could work through it.

Egh. I don't want to find another metal chick.

Right now we're just going to let things cool down, and see where we want to go after that. Although, my gut is telling me nothing is going to come of it. If she honestly thinks that, then she can go fuck herself.

[Teedy]

See where it can go, but personally, if I was you, don't get yourself back into the relationship, as much as you want to, don't. I dealt with that for a while, and then it ended again, went back, ended again, it was the worst experience. Try to pull yourself out of it, you're capable, I know that. :)

[Chunkywheats]

MMD, we need a midwest OTF gangbang, me thinks.

[DasHuhn]

MMD, we need a midwest OTF gangbang, me thinks.

QFT

[CoMmEnT]

I can host.

:)

[Maddog]

I can host.

:)

make a podcast out of it

oh... wait.... :p :p :p

[Milkman Dan]

Hm, well, I don't know how things are right now.

I kind of freaked out for a week, and whenever we talked on the phone we ended up arguing (which is really weird for us) with both of us being really pissed. She wants me to leave her alone until she's "ready to talk to me about it." So, I'm just doing the fuck whatever right now. I feel bad for talking to other girls. I'm still in love with her, and worried about hurting someone else with a rebound or being with them but still loving her. Although, I won't be dating anyone else for at least a month or two.

She's talking to an ex-boyfriend, trying to be friends with him. And he's trying to do the exact same thing I am. She's not really having either of it. So I'm just going to fuck off for the time being. If she really wants to toss away a great relationship, then that is her problem. I'm not going to sit here and try to repair everything, because she's so emotionally unsure about what was a really good relationship.

Girls are dumb.

[Feanaro]

Girls are dumb.

Sig-worthy.

[pk!]

I haven't read everybody's comments, but i'm not sure I need to. I just wanted to point out that my parents got married when my mother was 16 and my father 18. Almost 45 years later, and they are still very much in love. Your situation might not end up like that, but nobody knows.

Cover yourself legally - you say sex isn't a big part of the relationship so maybe let that go for a while. I doubt if the mother has enough evidence to convince a court if you and your g/f dcided to be difficult, so i wouldn't worry too much about that. Maybe get both families together to tell them all to

a)respect your relationship
b)butt out

....end of serious.....

Your g/f's mother is setting a bad precedent for your future interactions - if she thinks that blackmail is acceptable, just wait till you charge her money to see her own grandkids!

[Milkman Dan]

Heh. Things are just really awkward right now. I had a talk with her the other day on my break during a really, really bad day of work. After a little bit of shouting, she eventually revealed she intends to get back together with me. Which, she claims, she told me once before. However, she wants to wait until the summertime. She said she spent "too much time" on me, which wasn't true, and neglected her friends (hung out with her and her friends). So, apparently, during summer we will have more time to see eachother since she wants to focus on her schoolwork (grades are getting better) and friends (uhhhhhhhhhhhh). This girl never ceases to amaze me with such a conundrum she puts me in. Feels like I'm not being made a priority. Am I going to wait around 2 months for this girl? I have no idea. This shit is just getting stupid.

I am already talking to other girls. Girls who don't treat guys like this. I don't think I will want to get back together with her in 2 months time. This is her choice to do this, because something tells me in 2 months time she will not have changed one bit. I guess I'll just play this by ear until then. I've got way too much shit to worry about in my license-getting, money-saving, and job-improving areas.

And, yes, girls are still dumb.