[Serious?] Why do people change?

[Airborne506]

This is a long one, rest assured there will be a summary. If anyone takes the time to read all this shit, rep will be dished out, even more so if you respond.

Anyways, this starts about September 2005, I met a girl a year younger through my one friends' sister, and we began to talk on facebook then AIM, etc. I instantly click with this girl and we have long conversations and talk everyday and whatnot and its great. She became a 'friend' or in the 'holding pen' as I like to call it, because at the time I had a thing for another girl. So after time nothing happens with the the other girl so I start to get into the girl in question. I take her to prom with me in early May of 06 and have a blast, and 2 weeks later I tell my 'friend' that I like her a lot. About a week or two passes and we're now together. I had never had a real serious gf before so this was awesome, it was the best thing in life at that point. The summer of 06 was one I'll never forget, I was having such a good time with her. Of course, as always, there were rocky spots, I was leaving for college in 3 months and sure as hell didn't want to give her up, even though we kinda agreed it would happen like that. That time came, we stayed together because we got a lot closer than either of us thought would happen. I was only 2 hours away, I could come home every couple weeks and see her.

Then came the fights. Every couple days, for no apparent reason, we would get in petty arguments, then make up. They were mainly my fault, because this girl wasn't the one to really act like she cared about me or liked me. Because she never really said things of that nature, I began to doubt how she felt. This came to a boiling point in November, right before thanksgiving. After a night at my house, she dumped me. We got in huge fights right away, I naturally was pissed beyond belief that she gave up on it. She called it 'taking a break' but I knew what it meant. After she told me there was never a chance of us being together again, but she wanted to be friends, I fucking lost it. I fired everything I could at her (cept for cumseks LOL). She fired back. I told her that can't happen, I didn't want anything to do with her as a 'friend'. Time passed, and the day after new years I gave her a call, because I still thought I could maybe salvage something from all the fighting we did. I apoligized for the really henious stuff I said, but other stuff I held strong to. She said she was still upset from all the things I said, and still felt the way she did before. I got mad again, I knew we'd probably never see each other again, but she still wanted to talk.

In the time between then and now I say hi every once and a while, and around valentines day I tried to start talking to her again because I used to do it everyday and I missed it. Suddenly she wasn't the mature, interesting girl I knew before. Every response was haha or ending with !. She started hanging out with some girl who was basically the opposite of my gf, and thus had changed my gf into a complete immature bitch. A mean girl if you will. I kept texting her (mainly whilst intoxicated), until recently. One of my friends at her school told me she showed them to everyone and made fun of me. Now I'm 18 and shit like that shouldn't get to me but it hurt. There's no fucking reason for that when I just want to talk again. I never got responses from her, even when I tried to contact her sober. And just this past week I tried to see if she wanted to go to breakfast, because I wanted to confront her about this bullshit, but no answer. Is this all supposed to happen? All around me people talk to their ex's, get back together, fuck them when they go home. Now mine has become so much the opposite of what she was, she can't even bear speaking a word to me. I valued what we had before, I just wanted to start talking to her again in a manner somewhat like before. She's going to college in august, does anyone think she'll be mature enough when it happens? I won't lie and say I wouldn't give us another shot. At the same time, I know it's impossible and I should forget this one. It's not like I'm hanging around waiting for her, I am meeting others. I never thought she could change like this, I just wanted to start talking again so the whole thing wouldn't be a total waste. But I guess that's the way things work.

Summary: I meet girl, get to know girl, I date girl (w00t), girl dumps me after constant fights (not so w00t), she changes into immature bitchy girl and now won't speak to me at all, and humiliates me behind my back (not w00t at all). Will she ever be the person she was again, or should I erase this girl from the Airborne506 archives? Is it worth it to try and start talking to her after some time?

EDIT: Jesus Harold Christ in rubber crutches that's long. Sorry guys. I guess it just feels better to write it somewhere that people might read it.

[Chunkywheats]

1)it is amazing how the people you hang out with influence your levels of maturity. I know exactly what you mean when you say that she would act differently after hanging around someone new. as for whether she will change back... her friend(s) are probably influencing the way she acts towards you. When she moves onto college she may or may not remain the same way, who knows, but it is likely that things will get better as you leave them alone.

2)"Taking a break" doesn't always mean breaking up for good, and I probably wouldn't have said so many choice words to this young lady, but because you did, I would just give it a few months, let her cool off and shit. Then try to patch up the friendship, if it is that important to you. If you have intimate feelings for this girl, then you are your own worst enemy. I would say this, and ANY friendship is salvagable, but as for whether you are going to hook up with this chick is probably unlikely, since there seems to be much bad blood between you too.

3)DOOOOOOOOD, there are a LOT of great fucking chicks in the world, don't bother chasing after one that will betray the trust of friendship (make fun of you behind your back and shit) because that is probably the most low thing I can think of to do. And because she has made fun of you to her friends, it is HIGHLY unlikely that she is gonna come back to you. fuck her, and enjoy college life.

[GrosPoisson]

College is not a good time for stable relationships from my point of view, but that's one of an observer who is staying way the fuck away from any kind of relationship beyond friendship. In general, I see more relationships go down in horrible, horrible flames here at college than I imagined ever being able to see previously. Personally, I think it has something to do with the massive pool of different types of people floating around. You've got your musicians, your artists, rebels, outspoken political activists, and any other kind of archetype that could appeal to someone.

And hell, just the nature of college in the minds of many people as an idyllic time where you can run around all starry-eyed and chase your dreams doesn't help either. The mentality that most people bring to college is anything but conducive to stability. Just ask around to see how many times people change their majors, and you'll see that it's not just academics that this happens in. You may notice how people consciously try to reinvent themselves in college even moreso than during high school, and who they're dating/fucking can be part of the identity shift.

One of my (few) female friends is on her third guy in three years; the first during sophomore year who was fairly quickly dropped because she suddenly realized he was a humongous douchebag (he told her that he wanted to sleep with her before he decided whether or not he liked her :o), the previous one being dropped sometime during her quarter overseas in Japan, and the current one in some indeterminate status I don't care to find out about. This is someone I've been friends with since high school because I think she's that more levelheaded and stable than the vast majority of females I've ever known, and I don't think I'm exaggerating at all.

The only exception I've seen is this one couple I'm friends with who have been together since senior year of high school and who are currently still together in their junior year of college. They're extremely stable because both of them are just damned nice people all around who seem to have resolved any outstanding issues that would mess up their relationship.

Summary: Don't count on it.

[Captain Colon]

Every response was haha or ending with !.
That means she doesn't care. Give up.

1)it is amazing how the people you hang out with influence your levels of maturity. I know exactly what you mean when you say that she would act differently after hanging around someone new. as for whether she will change back... her friend(s) are probably influencing the way she acts towards you. When she moves onto college she may or may not remain the same way, who knows, but it is likely that things will get better as you leave them alone.
I don't think that different groups are changing her maturity level...I think she's just incredibly immature, period. It's kinda like when people say "lol me and my friends are so immature" because you still think farts are funny...it's something that doesn't really have any bearing on your actual level of maturity, just something that certain elitist people or groups think is "below" them and thus "immature." If she's being that easily influenced by people that she just wants to like her, then THAT is very immature.

2)"Taking a break" doesn't always mean breaking up for good, and I probably wouldn't have said so many choice words to this young lady, but because you did, I would just give it a few months, let her cool off and shit. Then try to patch up the friendship, if it is that important to you. If you have intimate feelings for this girl, then you are your own worst enemy. I would say this, and ANY friendship is salvagable, but as for whether you are going to hook up with this chick is probably unlikely, since there seems to be much bad blood between you too.
That just makes the seks wild and crazy and awesome d:D

[Chunkywheats]

I don't think that different groups are changing her maturity level...I think she's just incredibly immature, period. It's kinda like when people say "lol me and my friends are so immature" because you still think farts are funny...it's something that doesn't really have any bearing on your actual level of maturity, just something that certain elitist people or groups think is "below" them and thus "immature." If she's being that easily influenced by people that she just wants to like her, then THAT is very immature.


Yeah, I see what you are saying. I guess when you say "maturity" you are talking about some fixed value in a persons head, and when I think of maturity it is maturity amongst many moments. For example: "WOW I just rammed into my dads car on accident, how immature of me to do that."

I think what he was referring to was that on a one to one basis this girl was down to earth and mature and all that, but infront of her friends it was all li3k o mai gawwd, li3k, totally, do0dz.

d:D

[BlindSite]

A lot of the time imo, people are who they are and we only see the negatives when the shine's worn off.

I used to be good friends with a girl and thought she was the greatest girl I've ever met, after a while, when I stopped being "romantically" interested the shine wore off so to speak and I started seeing a lot more negatives about her. Like she's a huge cock tease when I used to take it as reciprocal interest, not so w00t.

[proudinfidel117]

kind of similar to what happened in my last relationship, cept the roles are reversed, and i just stopped interacting with her, period. if its anyhting like that, she might of just completely lost interest in you, just slowly started liking you less and less, might of where the fights came from, and after the big fight you had, that was the catalist to set her off.


IMHO

[White Pony]

I was also in a pretty similar relationship once, and seen a friend in one with the roles reversed. I doubt that she will mature a lot soon. And, you said that she is leaving for college soon... is she going anywhere in your area? She might not even be an option for you come fall. I agree with Chunky that you shouldn't waste your time or trust on someone who would talk shit about you behind your back. People who stoop that low don't generally rise back up.

[Airborne506]

Yeah I'm in Upper PA, shes going to D.C., so getting back together is kinda a dream of grandeur that I know won't ever happen. I've just wanted to start talking to her again because I liked doing that with her, but she's become the opposite of what she was before. I want to think that the college thing will change her back but even so I'm pessimistic. If I even start talking to her like I used to, it will be in a few years time. Shit happens I guess.

[Polish Hill]

I would try and avoid all contact with her for a while. In my experience I think time away from friends/ex's shows how they really feel about you. There are some of my friends who I don't talk to much but when I do speak with them again we express a lot of regret for not having talked sooner and then have a great time hanging out or just talking.

So let her go for a little while, she'll either have a shitty experience down the line and realize she had a good thing with your or not and you both might be better off. Either way don't burn any bridges, just give it some time and initiate a conversation in a few months. See how it goes and if it isn't natural just accept its time to move on.

[CoMmEnT]

Don't be like me and only date one girl in college.

Date a lot of women.

Fuck a lot of women.

Truer words have never been spoken.

[OMFG it g00]

yeah thats interesting...She falls in with a new crowd and starts making fun of your text messages to her highschool friends? hrm she sounds cool....Not really...But seriously just leave her, delete her number if your afraid of drunk texting her again. Find some women in college, the are all over the place unless your in one of those 70% men tech schools.
Reguardless you can def fine some new women, with your clear charm and underlying sentimentality. Just have some fun, and put her in the back of your mind, or if possible forget her for awhile.

also is the [serious] neccesary on the A and D forum?

[Garryowen]

People don't change, only situations change.... We just come to see the real person....

[Captain Colon]

People don't change, only situations change.... We just come to see the real person....
I've found that to almost never be the case...

[Garryowen]

I've found that to almost never be the case...

Give it time:(

[Captain Colon]

It's probably true when you get older, but around our age someone really can be a completely different person than they were a year before D: hormones 4 teh lewse lol

[BlindSite]

It's probably true when you get older, but around our age someone really can be a completely different person than they were a year before D: hormones 4 teh lewse lol

I think people can grow up a lot, but I don't think they can really digress in maturity. I think Garryowen hit the nail on the head.