My turn for womenz help.

[Loké]

So, I have a girlfriend (slight pause as the noise of the universe imploding subsides) and she's a nice girl but...

Well, she gets depressed. I'm not going to explain why-she told me why on the understanding I never told anyone else-but basically, I need ideas on how to cheer her up.

[maggie]

Unfortunately, you're asking the impossible.
If someone is depressed, there is nothing you can do to cheer her up. The best you can do is be there for her when she needs you and try not to screw her up even worse. A word of advice though (and this is unpopular advice these days): as a rule, "talking about your feelings" is a great way to make them more present in your mind, and tends to lead to further depression when engaged in too often and without an eye to problem-solving.

[Pltcl Sniper]

GHB...j/k yea man i was depressed for long time, I think i just all of a sudden snapped out of it when i joined the army crazy huh? i tryed everything i could zoloft (induced insomina) alot of whacko treaments thats a bunch of stuff other that that thats like asking god to give you a working vagina...

[Loké]

Unfortunately, you're asking the impossible.
If someone is depressed, there is nothing you can do to cheer her up. The best you can do is be there for her when she needs you and try not to screw her up even worse. A word of advice though (and this is unpopular advice these days): as a rule, "talking about your feelings" is a great way to make them more present in your mind, and tends to lead to further depression when engaged in too often and without an eye to problem-solving.
Noted. (And yours Snipe)

Thanks for the advice.

[kreket]

A word of advice though (and this is unpopular advice these days): as a rule, "talking about your feelings" is a great way to make them more present in your mind, and tends to lead to further depression when engaged in too often and without an eye to problem-solving.

Very true.




Try to take some initiative to do stuff. Eat out on a semi-fancy restaurant. (Something affordable that isn't mcdonalds.) Go to the movies. Take an evening walk. Practical psychology doesn't have to be rocket science. The depression might not go away, but if the people around you do stuff together with you, then all the better.

[YarPirate]

Depression can be a chemical thing, genetic and the like... and it can be in response to some shitty chain of events - it can also be both.

The best help you can be (and this doesn't sound good, I'm sorry) is to make sure she doesn't kill herself. Be there and help her get through it by just sometimes realizing you can't say anything that'll make it all better. You aren't a psychologist or superman, so basically tell her you love her when you are around. (Bonus points if you mean it.)

[Captain Colon]

Make fun of whatever she's depressed about until she gets over it :)

srsly tho, just do nice things for her that take her mind off whatever's eating her.

[Towelie]

srsly tho, just do nice things for her that take her mind off whatever's eating her.

Easier said than done, I was seeing a girl who was feeling depressed, so I took her to see her favorite band(if you consider a rap group a "band") in concert, figured that should get her to cheer up and dance and get her mind off of everything.

She spent most of the night sitting down, staring at the floor, nursing a beer. I danced for one song with some random chick who happened to be on her way either to the restroom or the bar when I guess one of her favorite songs came on, because she just grabbed the closest guy to her which happened to be me. and then my date didn't really say a word to me the rest of the night, despite my attempts at getting her to lighten up.

I don't like rap, the only reason I'd go to a rap show is to get freaky with a hot girl, and my date didn't get down for a single song the whole night, leaving me feeling like a total jackass.



SUMMARY: The best thing to do with a depressed girl is to not date her. A friend might be what she needs.

[Captain Colon]

But if you're in love with someone you should be their best friend :kak:

Seriously...if you aren't their best friend then you're pretty much just a regular friend that they happen to have sex with and the relationship will break down eventually.

[BlindSite]

Dude, damaged goods are the ones you fuck, not the ones you have a relationship with.

[Arttemis]

There are too many beautiful women in the world to be tied down to one who spends a good portion of her time hating her life and everything in it.

If you like this girl, be a friend for her, but stop dating her. Dating someone who battles chronic depression or other mood disorders will turn you into an emotional wreck, since you'll constantly be trying to fix her unfixable problems. Any man worth his testicles will start to feel bad if something is bothering a girl he cares about; when dealing with someone who is always bothered by something, to the point where it can really be called "depression", the weight of the problem becomes as crushing for you as it is for her.

[FaKToR]

Unfortunately, you're asking the impossible.
If someone is depressed, there is nothing you can do to cheer her up.
Not if you're a SSRI, TCA, or atypical antidepressant. Of course a there are also Tricyclics and MAOIs but they aren't as common anymore afaik.


The best you can do is be there for her when she needs you and try not to screw her up even worse.
warm

A word of advice though (and this is unpopular advice these days): as a rule, "talking about your feelings" is a great way to make them more present in your mind, and tends to lead to further depression when engaged in too often and without an eye to problem-solving.
cold

Isolation has a terrible effect with depression and one common occurrence is for the depressed to assume a mask of contentment, that is they may outwardly look fine while internally being gripped by serious problems of anxiousness and depression. Not talking about it is a way of ignoring the problem when really what should be happening is confronting whatever cognitive problems may be faced. That is the aim of cognitive behavioral therapy, to identify "vicious circles" and encourage behavior that overcomes it. It may sound like a load of crap to some, but self-sustaining thoughts and behaviors have a tremendous impact upon people psychologically, whether they are depressed or not.

Easier said than done, I was seeing a girl who was feeling depressed, so I took her to see her favorite band(if you consider a rap group a "band") in concert, figured that should get her to cheer up and dance and get her mind off of everything.

One of the symptoms of depression is loss of interest in activities that one used to find pleasurable. I don't mean finding substitute actives, but literally taking no interest whatsoever in doing them. It's like a very severe and melancholy apathy.

She spent most of the night sitting down, staring at the floor, nursing a beer.
Alcohol is a bad idea if you're depressed.

If you like this girl, be a friend for her, but stop dating her. Dating someone who battles depression or other mood disorders will turn you into an emotional wreck, since you'll constantly be trying to fix her unfixable problems.
This is misleading. Depression frequently is a disease that only occurs once, though experiencing it increases your risk for being depressed. Except in cases like bipolar disorder, depressive episodes can be limited to just one instance. There are those who are chronic suffers of depression, and frankly it can really suck if that's the case. I'm talking about serious instances though, like having to undergo ECT.

Largely depression is a matter of time and stringing yourself along until ends. It's like a virus that needs to run its course. Granted it can be aided by medication and treatment and in some it maybe a chronic problem.

[maggie]

You misread my statement :)

[Arttemis]

This is misleading. Depression frequently is a disease that only occurs once, though experiencing it increases your risk for being depressed. Except in cases like bipolar disorder, depressive episodes can be limited to just one instance. There are those who are chronic suffers of depression, and frankly it can really suck if that's the case. I'm talking about serious instances though, like having to undergo ECT.

Point taken, and I'm editing my statement to include this qualification.

[FaKToR]

You misread my statement :)

That's what she said.

[Loké]

Thanks again for advice-I think I'll just see how it goes.

[Matt]

I wish I could help. My girlfriend doesn't get depressed but she gets frantic and then takes out the stress, sometimes, on me. She doesn't do it intentionally it just builds up as the day goes on and I normally see her at night. I'm not sure if that's better or worse than depression. What I do is try and help her, by showing her the whole picture. She tends to stress about one thing then her minds begins to stress about other things that are either not relevant or too little to care about but she can't help but to look at them. I try to calm her down, tell her that it'll all work out and then go on to explain how it will work. Honestly, will my explanations be the truth, maybe not but I'd like to hope so. That's all i can say.