The one WW2 game to rule them all

[MeanPatrick]

Those of you who have been around the last decade or so know that World War 2 is a popular setting for FPSs, so much so that you could go to a veteran reunions and recite grim, horror stories about how you only got 42 headshots out of a total of 50 on D-Day. But for all the games that are set in WW2 most have become trite. We need a new game, the magnum opus or WW2 shooters, a game that will reflect WW2's status in out pop culture and this game shall be called:

WORLD WAR
II
BLOW SHIT UP

The game starts in 1940, with Winston Churchill pissing himself silly as the Nazi anti-christs set their crosshairs on Britain. With all their military funding spent on Churchill's drinking habits, so Churchill calls President Roosevelt for back up. Do the Americans send a navy? No. Do they send an army? No. Do they even send weapons and munitions? Hell no. They send you. Jackson "Flak-Jak" Jones, as played by Samuel L. Jackson.

Despite the fact that the British have no military to fight with, the German blitzkrieg in Africa takes place anyway, but the only person fighting for the Allies is "Flak-Jak" Jones. Although Flak-Jak could use bazookas to blow up the Panzers and halftracks, he doesn't. Instead he uses his Profanity Wave, where in you will heard Flak-Jak, through the stunning voice of Samuel L. Jackson, scream curse words at the top of his lungs which cause tanks to blow up.

Flak-Jak will fight through every single major battle from World War 2 and win, even if historically the Allies lost, because this is a World War 2 game, and you can't lose. During the course of Flak-Jaks battles his enemies will change from the stock, red-eyed nazi vampire infantry to super SS officers riding mutant spider wolves with MG23s mount in their skulls. As the game goes on we will see the horrors Nazis brought to this worlds: anti-semitism, anti-americanism, communism, AIDS, Richard Nixon, George Bush, Barbra Streisand, and the Bee-Gees.

And at the end, Flak-Jak will have to face the man himself, Robo-Shark Hitler with nothing but an egg and a frying pan, which will promt Hitler to ask if Flak-Jak uses it to make mancakes, but Flak-Jak will retort "Nah, I use it to make bitchcakes," then kill him. Afterwards, he would convince Eva Braun to have his children, who would go on to fight in Vietnam and assassinate Ho Chi Minh.

[pk!]

alternative interpretation -

America's World Wars
War 1 1917-18 (3 years late - about 2% total Entente casualties)
War 2 December 1941 - 1945 (2 1/2 years late - about 2% of total Allied casualties)

Britain's World Wars
War 1 1914-18 (Whole war. About 16% of total Entente casualties)
War 2 1939-45 (Whole war. Only European nation to hold out. About 2% total Allied casualties)


Some things to consider - although the US population is much greater that the UK's, this is not reflected in the casualty lists.

The years when the US can be considered a superpower (1945 to about 2000) start when the UK is repaying war loans, and ends when the loans repayments end.



The real game starts some time in the mid 1930's. Polish mathematicians work out a theory that allows them to decrypt Enigma messages. Brokered by French Intelligence, these mathematicians and their work become the heart of Bletchley Park. At Bletchley the Allies invent computers, and later kindly allow the Americans in - out of deference to American frailty, they install the first air conditioning and heaters.

British, Polish, Canadian and Free French pilots shoot the shit out of the Luftwaffe while Britain soldiers on. Commandos and the new SAS do amazing things and never tell about them. The Royal Navy hunts and destroys the German navy and submarine fleet. British soldiers land on beaches from Morocco to Normandy.

Occasionally they see an American, usually an overpaid but very polite person who helps out now and then.

Churchill remains wonderful throughout the war.

And during all this, Finland fights almost everybody.

[MeanPatrick]

Everyone knows only America fought in World War 2! :p

[PopeDragunov]

And during all this, Finland fights almost everybody.

Isnt this true anyway?

[solidsnake]

http://chickencrap.com/images/1472.jpg

[PopeDragunov]

That is so awesome that I need to take a huge shit right now.

[Noirceur]

Holy shit...I'm going to be extra nice to Tuulos.

[Tuulos]

You better remember that :D

[Matt]

holy crap.

[Medlar]

Those losses aren't terribly shocking consider the state of the Red Army at the time.

[Matt]

but still, Finland fucked their shit up.

[Polish Hill]

Psh I get better K-D ratios in CS all the time

:kak:

edit- wait how do 400,000 people go missing?

[MeanPatrick]

Some snow, a few shoves and a bunch of holes go along way.

[neko]

I am pretty sure I have done the obligatory "Land on the beach/behind the beach then take this town" mission at least 50 times.

[MeanPatrick]

I've played Omaha beach so many times I've probably play a game for all 43,250 men present that day.

[Makai Goblin]

I'd like to see more "alternate WWII" stuff. Basically, what RTCW was, and what the next wolfenstien game looks to be, but better, with more "mystic-tec" or "Frankentien science" weapons, vehicles, etc.

RTCW's Tesla gun and freakish frankenstien-like "Uber soldiers" come to mind, as well as the zombies.

Imagine fighting SS werewolf brigades, or soldiers made of stitched-together corpses and reanimated to be cannon fodder so the still living soldiers can stay alive. Weapons like a full auto flare MG, that shoots flaregun-like projectiles and burns enemies, or mystic energy cannons that shoot projectiles that seek enemies. Grenades that implode, causing a mini black hole for a few seconds, or grenades that "hatch" on impact to release a swarm of flying stinging insects that attack anyone nearby. Panzers and shermans that don't roll, but walk like steampunk mechs. Nazis summoning demons to fight for them.That's what I'd like to see.

[pk!]

I'd like a WW2 game where you are in the Partisan forces in Eastern Europe. A bit like OFP:Resistance

[Tuulos]

I'd like a WW2 game about Finnish wars. A bit like FDF:WW2 for OFP:Resistance.

[Noirceur]

There needs to be a game that centers on La Resistance :D.

[CaptCommy]

There needs to be a game that centers on La Resistance :D.

I agree, and not out of any love for french people. This would just be really pretty sweet.

[Enforcer]

What about a game where you play as Germany or Italy?

[theknightsofni]

MOH 2 on psx was very la resistance......

[pk!]

What about a game where you play as Germany or Italy?

Why the HELL would you want to do that?

[Enforcer]

Because it's different.

[theknightsofni]

so you can change sides when you start to lose?

[pk!]

You want different, play as the Chinese.

[Enforcer]

so you can change sides when you start to lose?

No its a just game at the end of the war and you are in charge of rebuilding Germany

LOL

[Noirceur]

Why the HELL would you want to do that?
Why does anyone choose terrorists in counter-strike, why do people prefer to play Axis in Red Orchestra? A single-player or co-op German campaign is something that has not been done before in a FPS venue.

[Noirceur]

I agree, and not out of any love for french people. This would just be really pretty sweet.
Yeah, I mean actually playing as a member of it rather than CoD3 where you're just with them for a few levels. It would be a lot easier on the modellers since they'd really only have to model German weapons. Seeing a Liberator pistol would be pretty awesomesauce too, heh.

[GrosPoisson]

You want different, play as the Chinese.

That'd be an interesting theater that hasn't been explored before. If they put you on the Communist side, that'd mean a whole lot of night fighting.

[Noirceur]

Most games are rather lacking in the night category. I know that source games struggle with it.

[Noirceur]

That'd be an interesting theater that hasn't been explored before. If they put you on the Communist side, that'd mean a whole lot of night fighting.
Weren't the Chinese in the same situation that Russia was in, resources-wise? I still remember MoH European Assault where in the first level, you're charging the beach with a stripper clip in your hand, lol.

[PopeDragunov]

There needs to be a game that centers on La Resistance :D.

O RLY? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saboteur_Viva_La_Resistance)

[Noirceur]

O RLY? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saboteur_Viva_La_Resistance)
Eh, close enough.

[GrosPoisson]

Weren't the Chinese in the same situation that Russia was in, resources-wise? I still remember MoH European Assault where in the first level, you're charging the beach with a stripper clip in your hand, lol.

I'm not sure if it was quite that bad, but I do recall reading that all Chinese sides suffered from shortages of up-to-date and/or properly functioning weapons of all types. They were using the dadao (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dadao) well into the 1930s, so that helps to show what they were working with.

[Splitlip]

but still, Finland fucked their shit up.

"Tulta munille!"